


Puppy Love

by sakalinte00



Series: Thirty-Prompt: Forest Fire [4]
Category: Magic: The Gathering
Genre: Chandra should just find some sleeping pills or something, F/F, Jace whut, everybody should stop teasing her, gay send help, jealous baby Chandra, naked Gideon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-27 01:31:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13870230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sakalinte00/pseuds/sakalinte00
Summary: Puppy Love (noun)/ˈpəpē ˌləv/an intense but relatively shallow and transient romantic attachment, typically associated with adolescents.





	Puppy Love

Midnight.

Chandra Nalaar was sure it was midnight. She had spent too much time lying in bed and waiting for the hours to go by to know that the entire Gatewatch kept a schedule, a routine –  **habits** – that had helped Chandra tell the time without even looking at a clock.

Dinner in the Guildpact’s Manor was always served at seven and it usually ended an hour later, with Nissa being the last to leave the dining area. Jace was the first to leave and Chandra had clocked his eating to twenty minutes. She and Gideon finished more or less at the same time, but Gideon would always be the one who ate more, cleaning Jace’s plate or eating what Nissa didn’t.

If Liliana Vess joined them, then things would be different. Jace would be the last one to leave the table, often waiting for the rest of them to give him and the necromancer some time alone. She and Gideon still ate at the same pace and Nissa – giving half her plate to Gideon – would finish in less than twenty minutes.

Tonight though, Liliana hadn’t stopped by and Jace had announced that he wasn’t going to be joining everyone for dinner. That usually meant one thing. Nissa never bothered to comment about it, Gideon disapproved of it and Chandra, well, she found it amusing.

Dinner had been more or less silent, punctuated by Gideon’s intense chewing of the broccolis and the clatter of his utensils. Thirty minutes later, Gideon was done with his meal and Chandra had stuffed whatever morsel was left into her mouth.

Gideon rose from his seat and excused himself, saying that he had to clean his equipment.

Chandra would have gotten up and chased him to his quarters, always eager to spend a little bit of time with him. But she glanced over at Nissa, across from her, sipping her glass of water. Chandra couldn’t bring herself to leave. So, she waited. For no apparent reason.

Nissa didn’t really take an hour to eat her dinner, but she would spend the next two hours in the garden that she had practically claimed for herself, meditating and communicating with Ravnica. Chandra knew because Chandra had watched the elf several times and had asked to join her twice.

When the clock struck ten in the evening, Chandra made her way back to her room. She wasn’t a creature of habit like Gideon or Nissa. No, she just simply kept to this schedule – this self-imposed bed time – because ten in the evening was when the entire Keral Keep would sleep. Ravnica was not Regatha and Jace’s home was far too cold to resemble the Keep in any minute way.

At ten-thirty, Chandra would be in bed, staring at the ceiling and grinding her teeth at the sound of metal sliding across the floor, Gideon grunting and huffing in exertion. She used to nurse colorful thoughts at this time, but lately, something has changed and Chandra had found herself waiting until the clock chimed eleven.

It was a marker that was easily missed, depending on the sound that Chandra would hear. Usually, Gideon would grunt and acknowledge Nissa and Nissa made no audible response. Months ago, Chandra had thought that the two of them had spent their after-dinners together; their eleven-o’clock-greetings were the highlight of Chandra’s sleepless nights.

And tonight, Chandra had heard that eleven-o’clock greeting and it was like any other night except Nissa had said Gideon’s name and the sounds of Gideon grunting and huffing in exertion echoed soon after. Suddenly, their after-dinner habits were something Chandra concerned herself with.

So, Chandra lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. This was the third night that she had done so and she worried away. Gideon was cleaning his equipment after dinner and he would squeeze in a few workout routines before sleep. Nissa would be in the garden, meditating and she too would squeeze in a few practices of her spells and incantations.

No, the two of them did not squeeze into each other and they most definitely only exchanged quick words and glances at eleven o’clock.

Earlier, when Gideon and Nissa could be heard outside, Chandra pushed herself out of her bed, felt her shirt falling off of her shoulder and pressed her ear against her door. She could still hear the faint sounds of her two friends speaking, well, mostly Gideon who tried his best to whisper his good nights, mixing together with his heavy footfalls.

She had stayed glued to the door for a moment, listening for any sound from the elf, but Nissa was like a phantom, a quick breeze, fleeting and gone in a split-second, but still, Chandra hoped she was heading back to her own room to sleep.

Nothing more.

This was the third night. This had happened three times, as far as Chandra knew and she wondered why it’s never bothered her before.

Chandra fell asleep some time between one and five in the morning. It was hard to tell since she hadn’t thought of keeping a clock in her room and nothing happened in Jace’s house after midnight. It was just her, wrestling with impure thoughts and the knot in her stomach.

She had spent the next day arguing with herself, muttering to her dinner, arguing with the punching bag Gideon had reluctantly loaned her, whispering to Liliana’s dress or whichever door was closest to her. Eventually, Chandra had taken to soaking in the bath until her fingers were pruny and had decided that she too would have her own eleven-o’clock habit.

It was much better than lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling and waiting for Gideon and Nissa to greet each other.

Every.

 _Single_.

_**Night.** _

Gideon and Nissa were surprised to see her up when the two of them were heading to bed, dressed in her biggest shirt and her hair sticking in every direction. She greeted them with a grunt, pretended that she had just gotten out of her room to go get some water.

They didn’t need to know she had been waiting for almost half-an-hour to see the two pass each other in the hallway.

When Chandra turned the corner, she poked her head to see Gideon march towards his bedroom and Nissa almost gliding to the opposite direction, where her room was. As soon as Chandra heard a door close, she debated with herself whether she should actually go get some water or just return to bed.

Maybe the trip downstairs would tire her out even just a little bit. That way, when she’d crawl under the covers, she wouldn’t struggle to fall asleep.

Her thirst quenched and her shirt almost falling off of a shoulder, Chandra trotted back to the hallways outside of her room and looked between the direction of Nissa’s room and then towards Gideon’s - there was only one thing on her mind.

How else to kill time than to investigate? She wasn’t getting any sleep any time soon anyway.

She went to Gideon’s room first. It was just a few steps farther than Nissa’s from her own bedroom door. Jace had been old-fashioned enough to establish a wing for the boys and the girls. Nissa had no interest in any of them and she could have her tree branches impale an intruder before her door would fully open.

Gideon… Gideon would probably sleep in his birthday suit. Nissa had mentioned an encounter once back in Zendikar when Gideon could no longer keep himself awake and was almost useless in battle. And Chandra really wished she hadn’t thought of a naked Gideon and Nissa  _seeing_ him in one breath.

She stood outside a simple wooden door. Even in the darkness of the night and the little light the moon offered from outside, she could see that the door handle was brand new and there were a few notches right around it.

Gideon must break them constantly.

Chandra carefully pressed her cheek against the door, grumbling about how unfair it was that Gideon could break door handles and Jace would just quietly replace them while she burned the main hall carpet  **once** and she wouldn’t hear the end of it.

Chandra snored, but Gideon? The man was louder than a den of sleeping baloths. It was like a small battalion inside, a snore symphony that no one would ever want to hear. Small wonder why Gideon insisted he sleep as far away from the others’ rooms as possible.

Chandra crept back the way she came, heading towards Nissa’s bedroom and feeling her heart sink lower the closer she got there.

It smelled like fresh dirt right outside of the elf’s door, the same kind of dirt that would be near a flowing river. It was much cooler here that Chandra had briefly thought about warming herself up. But it wasn’t that cold. It was just… less hot here… less like **her** room.

She stared at the ornate carvings on the door and the shine from the door knob. It looked almost as if Nissa hadn’t even  _ **touched**_ the thing, maybe pushing the door aside with her wood magic because, you know, doors were made of wood.

Chandra pressed her hand against the door and lightly knocked, just to test if it was indeed made of wood. It was better than burning it down and it was just quick and soft that Nissa wouldn’t think twice about it if she had even heard it.

But Chandra Nalaar waited, her heart pounding in her head, for the door to open. One minute. Two minutes. Three. There was just silence. There was no shuffling or rustling of sheets, no snoring or heavy breathing.

Perhaps Nissa had gone up to the rooftop once more, to stare up at the stars and pretend that she was back in Zendikar, before the Eldrazi came, before the plane destroyed itself as a defense for the threat against it.

If it were any other night, Chandra would happily check, but this was the fourth night that Chandra had barely a wink of sleep. She barely trusted herself and her exhausted body will never be worthy of a sliver of her trust.

So, Chandra slowly made her way back to her own room, back into her own bed and back into her own thoughts. This was another night of restlessness, a night of doubt and what the hell is this sinking feeling she constantly felt? This was new. This was weird. This was terrifying.

The very next day, Chandra repeated what she had been doing for the last three days. Gideon and Nissa had already voiced their concern, but Chandra just grumbled as she jogged out of their sight, colliding with Liliana as the necromancer turned a corner to greet them.

“Chandra, dear,  _no running_.” the necromancer chastised, waving a finger in front of Chandra, “Not when I’m around.”

On the fifth day, Gideon had found Chandra chewing on her bottom lip outside of Jace’s study, tapping her boot on the floor or kicking the door gently - _ **and then**_ furiously. Chandra hadn’t meant to shoot out a little bit of fire from her feet and no one would see the little burnt spot on the wood if Gideon hadn't been there to pull her aside.

“Something’s bothering you.” Gideon’s voice was like a sucker punch to her eardrums, “Would you rather talk to me about it or kick that door open? Nobody’s inside to listen to you.”

“I’m fine!” Chandra rolled her eyes and folded her arms over her chest, “I’m just…  _really_ bored. When is Ajani coming back?”

“Ajani hasn’t made any kind of contact the entire week.” Gideon stared at a patch of wall behind Chandra’s head then he stared down at her, “You can talk to me, if you’d like.”

Chandra sighed and tucked her hands under her armpits, “You may be almost as big as him, but you’re not as fluffy.”

“Chandra.”

“Don’t tell him I said that.” Chandra pouted, nodding to Gideon one last time before she sprinted towards the front doors, narrowly missing an irritated Liliana as she ran into town.

The sixth night, Chandra had waited for eleven o’clock to strike, had waited to greet Gideon and Nissa as they sleepily headed to their bedrooms, but Gideon was nowhere in sight and Chandra waited and waited and wondered why Nissa hadn’t passed her by.

Was the elf avoiding her?

It was far too tedious for Nissa to magic her way to the end of the hall. Nissa wouldn’t do that. She wouldn’t expend her mana just to avoid Chandra. The elf could just put her hand up and Chandra would retreat into her room without another word.

Nissa must know that, right?

Chandra wasn’t sure what the exact time was, but it was a little after eleven when Nissa almost bumped into her. Luckily, or maybe not really, Lavinia pulled Nissa away, a scowl plastered on her eternally-scowling face.

Lavinia of the Ten Scowls. Lavinia of the Eternal Scowls. Lavinia Scowls Ten Times Ten Times Ten.

_**Holy f-!** _

“Why are you up so late?” Lavinia glared at Chandra, her hand still around Nissa’s arm.

Chandra flustered under Lavinia’s gaze - no, her scowl. The woman towered over, maybe she was taller than Nissa, but Chandra hadn’t bothered taking note of that, not when Lavinia was frowning at her as if the woman's face would fall to the ground any second now.

“I was gonna get water.” Chandra shrugged, the sleeve of her shirt sliding down her shoulder.

“Is something bothering you, Chandra?” Nissa took a step forward and pulled the errant sleeve back to cover Chandra’s bare shoulder.

Chandra had never minded the near-nakedness before. Not until now and it wasn’t because of Lavinia and her Ten Thousand Scowling Scowls. She ducked her head and pulled her shirt tighter around her, nervous that she would expose more of herself to Nissa, who probably didn’t want to see any of that.

Then there was that sinking feeling again.

“I’m fine.” Chandra scurried past Nissa’s worried gaze and Lavinia’s frown, running down the stairs two at a time, feeling a million times more thirsty than she had truly felt.

She stood in the kitchen, clutching an empty glass of water for fifteen minutes before daring to return to her bedroom. She didn’t want to run into Lavinia and she kind of didn’t want Nissa to see her without her sari.

On the sixth night, Chandra had made it a point to walk around Ravnica after dinner. Never mind that she had nowhere to go. Never mind that Jace had mentally yelled for her not to disappear into another plane again.

She just wanted to wear herself out, come back after midnight and probably get some  _ **real**_ sleep, not just naps and the idea of rest.

She wandered the streets, slipping in and out of alleyways and dimly lit intersections. Chandra was here to kill time and maybe she would spend the entire night being a nuisance to someone else other than the Gideon, Nissa, Jace and Lavinia - someone like Liliana Vess.

“For the love of - “ Liliana cried out, swishing her dress as if to whip Chandra with it, “If you don’t stop barrelling into me, Chandra, I swear I will be the one to _**end you**_.”

“Sorry.” Chandra murmured, “I was just… deep in thought.”

“Why don’t you do that with the elf?” Liliana rolled her eyes, “She’s deep in thought all the time - like Jace. But unlike Jace, she’d actually like having you around. Maybe she could get you to sit still for more than five minutes.”

Chandra blushed and Liliana took a step closer to place a cold finger against Chandra’s lips, “My, my, what is this?”

“My mouth?” Chandra pulled herself away from Liliana and held her hands up in defense. Futile it may be. Liliana Vess was unpredictable. And glamorous. And scary. So glamorously scary. Like a serpopard.

Liliana rolled her eyes again and this time, she smirked at Chandra, “Yes, your mouth. Maybe you could take your thoughts and your mouth back to Jace’s manor and, oh, I don’t know…  _meditate…_ That would be for everyone’s pleasure. I’m sure Nissa would be very pleased to have them both.”

Chandra growled, stepped as far away from Liliana as she could before she broke into a sprint, disappearing into the Ravnican streets she had circled to the sound of Liliana’s muffled cackling.

_Stupid Liliana._

Chandra hadn’t made it back to the Guildpact’s Manor until the break of dawn. Her eyes were heavy and her muscles were begging to stop functioning and lay on top of a very soft mattress.

She nodded to Jace as he scolded her. She nodded to Gideon who dared ask her if she hadn’t returned that night. She nodded to Lavinia who scowled, scowled and scowled some more at her. She nodded to Nissa who had offered to walk her back to her room.

Today was not the day for failure. Today was the day she would actually sleep, to take back the entire week’s sleepless nights. Her mind would never be strong enough to keep her body awake. Damned be her thoughts. Fluffy pillow, here comes Chandra.

She had woken to sore legs and her armor digging into her flesh. She had been so exhausted that she had fallen asleep in full battle gear. Chandra looked outside of her window and stared into a sky the color of her hair.

Was it dawn or was this the sunset?

She prayed that it was dawn, as she pulled her armor off. She pulled a fresh shirt from the laundry pile near the door and wrapped a brand new sari around her waist. She tried to pull her hair back, away from her face and yawned, but the effort was useless and so she dropped her hands to her sides as she stepped out of her bedroom.

It was quiet outside. It was too quiet.

There were no sounds of Gideon’s snoring or of his grunting and punching stuff in the gym. Chandra stood in the hall and waited for a tiny tremor beneath her feet, but there was just the dustiness of the carpeted floors.

Chandra walked into the kitchen and found Jace Beleren seated at the head of the table, trying to stick his fork into the sliced pork on his plate without even looking. For a mind-reader and mental mage, he sure acted like an idiot sometimes.

“Wha time ‘zit?” Chandra stumbled into the room, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

“Dinner time.” Jace announced, “And, yes, it’s the same day. You slept like a log.”

Chandra grabbed a glass from the cupboards and reached for the flagon of whatever it was that was closest to her. Water would be fine. Wine would be better. Ale would be okay. Just as long as it was liquid.

“Something’s bothering you.” Jace mumbled, his back to her as she downed the glass of water.

“Tell me something I don’t know.” She swallowed hard and did her best not to set Jace’s cloak on fire.

“I know what’s bothering you.” Jace sounded mad, “And it’s not worth  **burning my entire estate down.”**

“Then tell me, oh wise one,” Chandra carries the entire flagon and her glass back towards the vacant seat next to Jace. She drops herself down on the chair, leans on the table and stares at Jace who refused to look at her. “what’s bothering me?”

_Because I sure as hell don’t know what it is._

“Oh, you know.” Jace finally stared down at his plate as he pierced the meat with his fork, “You just don’t want to say it.”

_Fuck no._

“I read minds.” Jace reminded her, “And watch your language.”

“Get out of my head!” Chandra covered her ears and practically screamed to drown out the sound of Jace’s voice.

It was useless since he could project his own voice _into_ her head, “Nice try.”

“I don’t need this right now!” Chandra cried out, almost toppling the flagon and her glass over when she rose to her feet.

Jace Beleren, the Gulidpact, the Mind Mage, the guy she didn’t really get along very well with, reached out to her  _ **with his actual hand**_ and held her in place. She turned to him and their eyes met and suddenly, Jace looked like a boy she didn’t recognize.

“You’re deflecting.” Jace said softly, his eyes reading her face before he continued, “Gideon left to track Ajani down. Liliana is… well, she’s Liliana and Nissa is outside, in the garden, her usual spot.”

Chandra thought of Nissa, thought of how she would be seated on the grass, the sunlight warming up her skin and how she would absent-mindedly smile every now and then, if Chandra were lucky.

“So there are times you don’t bother her.” Jace shrugged.

Chandra blushed profusely; she felt all of her heat rising to her head, ready to explode and stain Jace’s clean walls. He had not listened when she demanded for him not to read her mind and now she felt so dirty, so predatory, so… unwelcome and ashamed.

She had to figure out a way to cast Jace out of her head and keep him out for good. Well, for as long as possible. Jace was stubborn sometimes.

“Did you…” Jace dropped his fork and stared at Chandra, his jaw dropped and his eyes wide, “I did  **not need to see Gideon shirtless** , Chandra.”

Chandra smirked as she returned to her seat and slowly sipped the glass of water she poured for herself, enjoying as Jace rubbed his hands across his face, “Serves you right.”

Chandra expected Jace to walk out of the room and bury himself in his studies of the multiverse or to pester Lavinia with his endless requests and rescheduling and reshuffling meetings. Still, he sat there, blinking rapidly as he picked up his fork and pointed it towards her. It wasn’t in a threatening way. No, it was more like a parent scolding a child with a spoon.

“You’re deflecting.” Jace sighed and continued eating, “I saw what you saw before you…  _showed_ me what you showed me.”

She didn’t know why she was so embarrassed about  **that.** She felt no shame in thinking of Gideon shirtless; she had even thought it funny to share that thought with Jace, but why was she ashamed of **this** thought? Why was her stomach churning? Why was she feeling so queasy and so restless and so impatient and so warm and so calm and  _happy_ at the same time?

Chandra was in turmoil and she felt like she was about to explode.

“You were thinking of something else - _someone_ else before you thought of… naked Gideon.” Jace cleared his throat.

“Jace,” she laughed, “he had his pants on in my head.”

“ **I knew that!** ” Jace slammed his hand against the table.

Chandra just smirked at him and waited for him to collect himself and continue with his meal. He was as composed as he seemed, but Chandra knew that, deep down, he was bristling and sweating.

“Don’t turn this on me, Chandra.” Jace’s voice was soft and Chandra wondered if he had said it out loud or jumped into her mind once more.

She stared up at him and waited for a response. She  _thought_ about asking him, but the Guildpact just sat there, chewing his food and looking expectantly at her.

_I should think of shirtless Gideon more often._

“You can try to deflect me with thoughts of…  _Gideon,_ **but**... “ Jace swallowed his food and then he sighed as he looked at his almost empty plate, “It’s okay, Chandra.”

Chandra snorted and wrapped both her hands around the empty glass of water in front of her. She stared at her warped reflection on the glass, tried to make out the facial features that she had memorized, just enough to buy herself some time to think of a retort.

Chandra was never good with  _sentimental_ moments like these. Not with Jace. It felt weird, talking about feelings and for Jace to actually seem so nice to her?

_Things are so messed up._

Jace silently cleared his plate. Chandra had no response for him, no witty retort, no jab or banter or even a primitive sound. The words were all swirling inside of her head, burrowing deep into her chest and boiling into her stomach.

She kind of regretted kicking him out of her mind now. Maybe Jace could translate her thoughts for her. Everything is… confusing. To top it all off, everything felt painful, like there was a hole in her heart that stung each time she lay in bed or thought of endless greens.

There was only so much Chandra could handle and, somehow, she felt like there was so little that she  _could_ do or was  _allowed_ to do.

She bit her tongue and wished that Jace would just tell her to forget about this. She wished Liliana would tell her not to think of these things or feel these feelings like she would if Chandra did something the necromancer didn’t like. She wished that Gideon would  **instruct** her to do something else, to feel something else. And she wished that Nissa would admit that she didn’t really want Chandra around. That would be better.

But they never really said anything - nothing that helped.

Chandra was heading deep into the unknown and none of her friends was stopping her - because,  _holy fiery rivers_  - Chandra couldn’t do that herself. She couldn’t trust herself to keep it cool, to not mess up because, wow… she was terrified.

“Chandra,” Jace began softly, “you’re experiencing strong feelings about  _someone._ And I’d rather pretend I don’t know so that you won’t set my dining table on fire.”

Chandra set the glass on the table, folded her arms over her chest and sighed, “I’ll pretend that I don’t know that you know… because I don’t know what... “

_What is this?_

_What am I feeling?_

_What should I do?_

_Is this wrong?_

_Am I wrong?_

_I don’t want to be._

“I think you already know, Chandra.” Jace stood from his seat and fastened his cloak, turning to the door so he could leave, “You can dance around this one, but I’m afraid it's not going to get easier the longer you keep it bottled up. Just don’t set my house on fire.”

With that, Jace left Chandra alone. She stared at her own reflection and hated everything that she saw. She hated Jace. She hated Liliana. She hated Gideon. She hated Ajani. She hated Lavinia. She hated this glass. She hated that stupid flagon. She hated this table. She hated Ravnica. She hated her stupid hair. She hated her skin. She hated Nis -

_No._

Chandra sighed and pressed her forehead against the table, staring at her lap and tapping her feet against the table’s legs. She couldn’t bring herself to _think_ it. Not even as a joke. Not even when she was very upset.

She felt the tears flowing into her eyes. The low-humming noise was in her head again, the burning was back in her stomach and her heart - her heart was aching, longing for endless greens and a voice that had been a lullaby to her for the past months.

There was that strong feeling again and Chandra sat there for hours, piecing her thoughts together and trying to make sense of things.

Chandra didn’t hate her friends.

She loved Jace. She loved Liliana, a little bit. She loved Gideon. She loved Ajani the most. She wouldn’t go so far as to say that she  _loved_ Lavinia, but she definitely didn’t hate the woman. Ravnica had its charms and so did the cutlery and the furniture. She loved her hair because they reminded her so much of her father. She loved her skin because her body’s put up with so much of her carelessness and recklessness and self-destruction.

She loved… her. But as her friend. She loved… her, but in a way that she wanted for Chandra to love her.

_This isn't as hard as you think it is._

_Just say it._

_Stupid feelings._

_Please go away._

**Author's Note:**

> Puppy Love (noun)  
> /ˈpəpē ˌləv/
> 
> is described as a coming-of-age experience where a child is given a sense of individualism because they feel intimate emotions for a person that is not a part of their family.


End file.
